On Sunday, October 5th at 6:30pm A will have out lived his big brother by 1 minute.
I'm kind of beside myself about this. I'm thoroughly terrified of the next few days. I'm terrified I'll have another nightmare. I'm terrified we'll lose A too.
I've recently learned the term sunshine baby, the ones who came before loss. But what does that make A? He came before but he's younger than Bram. Not that labels matter. Buttercup is our rainbow baby, yet in so many pregnancy after loss groups I feel out of place because my loss is so different. They don't want to talk about my toddler. I understand, I can't blame them, if I could avoid this reality I would!
We miss Bram more as the days go on. I've been so grateful to have seen him in my dreams the last couple weeks, mostly with buttercup. We're so excited for our rainbow. I am so eager to hold buttercup in my arms, to see her brother as apart of her, to feel him with us.