Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Grief isn't a place to stay

I've heard this quote quite often the past 22 months. Most of it is fine but the part that gets me is "It's a passage not a place to stay" that's unfortunately invalidating. It's not a passage, not at all.

Maybe it's because my loss is still so fresh? Maybe in a decade or 2 I'll feel vastly different than I do today. For me though it's not a passage, it's an emotion. When you lose a child it's an emotion deeply intertwined with unconditional unrelenting love. It's a part of you, like love is part of you. It shapes your heart, it challenges you, it breaks you open, it hurts, it's raw, and it's oozing with love.

Grief is no more a passage than love is. Obviously not all types of grief are the same. But this is child loss. For me this is about Bram. I cannot imagine a time can exist, short of heaven, where the sorrow of being separate from him will stop. When you're a parent, love isn't something that you go through, it's in every breath, it's why you wake up, it guides your future. It never ever stops. It's a messy thing, a good thing, a beautiful thing, a VULNERABLE thing. And it's that vulnerability that makes grief a part of it.


  1. I actually much prefer my grief compared to the loss of a limb. I have learned to function without my arm but will always have to do things differently. Would you ever say you'll get over it to a person with a prostetic limb? No. Nor should you expect someone who has experienced a human loss to "get through it" they will always experience the world in a very different way.


Thanks for reading and loving Bram!