Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Yours could die too -pregnancy related

Not sure this will make sense. I'm dealing with triggers, and just witnessing a lot of foot-in-mouth stuff.

I'm in a due month group for buttercup, and I've read things like "I've never had a loss! knock on wood" and "I won't tell until my second trimester so that I don't have to untell people, that would be awkward" and just general insensitivity. Wouldn't it suck when people like grocery store clerks, teachers, family, friends stop and ask you about the new baby and you have to go "it's dead!" Yeah, it's hell. It's disturbing. It's life ending. It's earth shattering but there is it. You can't avoid death, it will get you, it will get the people you love. You want to avoid it? Don't love.

You're not lucky that you've never had a loss, it just hasn't found you yet. If you live a life time without ever knowing the death of a loved one, you're a freaking hermit. And yeah, telling people your kid is dead is super awkward and uncomfortable, as it is when a spouse dies, or anyone really. No one is excited "oh yay! grandpa died of a heart attack! PARTY!" it doesn't work that way.

Getting out of the first (or second) trimester doesn't mean your baby is going to make it. Having a live birth doesn't mean your baby is going to make it. Your child reaching adult hood doesn't mean they'll live to see another birthday. All that you have is right now. You only have this is exact moment to love people you love.


  1. Exactly! Not telling people doesn't clear you from loosing the baby. It just means you made it 12 weeks or however many you choose to wait. I lost babies at the very beginning and 13 weeks. Even though I didn't say a word. Didn't spare me crap. Ya, it sucks to say oh ya we lost it. It was painful for me to say it, uncomfortable for the person to hear it. Just something no one should have to do. But death happens :(

  2. Anonymous14 May, 2014

    Their ignorance is nauseating. We had to deal with it ourselves. I got to the point where I just couldn't deal with it anymore...kind of shut down. The latest loss I had was 17w5d and I remember being glad it happened then and not later. It hurt like a SOB, still does all these years later...all of my miscarriages....my children not here with me on earth. Every single day we have with our children is such a precious gift. Every day builds our bond with them a little more. Which I believe makes their passing that much harder. Oh Sami....I cannot tell you how much I cried for you, literally wailed into a sick state. I would love to be able to be there for you. To talk to, hug, help you, etc. Please know I truly mean that from the bottom of my heart. Bram will forever be etched into my heart. So will you and your family. ~Pam


Thanks for reading and loving Bram!