Saturday, December 28, 2013

Last post of the year... maybe

Another year older, another Christmas without him, another year without him. Another day farther from him, and another day closer. Such a paradox.

So I think I'm going to conclude this year on my blog with the following:

Don't hurt the grieving mothers you may encounter. Just stop hurting them. Stop blaming mothers for their kids' death. I have yet to meet a mother who caused her child's death. Stop comforting yourself with the ideas that you can prevent bad things from happening to you. You're not perfect.

Start loving, seriously put all your ignorance and bigotry and bias to the side and choose love.

Start being present, just be in the moment because you never know if your sweet baby boy chewing gum in your ear giving you hugs and kisses will walk out the door to his death.

Learn! Learn that sadness, grief, that the madness of existing as a bereaved parent isn't wrong. Any combination of emotions doesn't make a parent a bad parent. Humans are emotional beings, if emotion makes you uncomfortable, then move along. Grief it doesn't take parents away from their living children. It's just apart of them.

Breathe. Slow down. Take your time. Do not let society pressure you into being a mean parent, into wasting moments. Because you can't get them back.

Be nice. Just choose to be nice. Hold your tongue if you have nothing nice to say.

--

I still don't know how to live, or breathe without Bram. It's exhausting to live this life. It hurts. Every stupid day without him hurts. But we still find joy in each other, we still pour every breath into our children to wrap them in love. I can't say I'd do this all over again, because given the chance, he never would have died. Given the chance I would change so much.

May the new year be kind to all <3

1 comment:

  1. I hope the new year brings you a little more peace. You seem like an amazing mother.

    ReplyDelete

Thanks for reading and loving Bram!