Monday, November 18, 2013

365 days

Technically today is 1 full year without Bram. A year ago yesterday, in the morning, I still had Bram. Today is the 1 year anniversary of having to wake up without him, of having to learn to live without him.

Yesterday overwhelmed. I am touched at the continued outpouring of love and support. Hubs tells me all the time I have the best friends in the world, and I really do.

I woke up to this

My yard filled with balloons for Bram. you can see up front there are 4 pictures of him, and below that there are 5 balloons saying "Bram Xavier you will never be forgtotten" it gave me joy and it touched my soul. I can't believe that people love my family this much.

Then I went to make breakfast and a knock on the door, more friends, coming to clean, and let us do whatever we wanted. We went to a park, and lit Bram's candle. My mom was with us, the boys, the hubs. We talked about where we were in those moments the year before, and how painful it was to remember, our oldest, T, sobbed. He wailed. And the baby, A, cried too. K, had the hardest time, he doesn't like to feel the pain, he doesn't like to talk about it but we held him and loved him and helped him be ok with the big feelings he had.

We came home, spoiled, and cuddled as a family, watched man of steel because Bram would have loved to. A friend delivered dinner, and we just hunkered down.

I check face book and I have 100's of notifications, and my blog has 130,000 views! And people are talking about Bram, they are lifting us up, they are spreading his ability to love fearlessly, they are hugging their babies, and they are being attentive drivers! So many people changed their profile pictures to Bram.

I wish thank you was enough, I'm really blown away and appreciate everyone who has just gone above and beyond, I had no expectations of what getting to this place would be like, what yesterday would be like, yet I'm here. I've made it through the first year of moments, I know I have decades of moments ahead, but I have a phenomenal support system, I have beautiful people in my life because of Bram. I am grateful. Thank you for making it this far with me. Thank you. 


Thanks for reading and loving Bram!