Friday, June 14, 2013


I love this version. I loved it when it first came out. It's echoed through my head as the fear of pain have compounded "everyone I know goes away in the end... I will let you down.... I will make you hurt"

If I was a better person, I could be there for my friends and family in all the ways they need.

If I was a better person, I would have protected Bram better.

If I was a better person, Bram would be alive.

If I was a better person, no one would leave me.

So stay away, because I am toxic. I will hurt you. I've been told often enough in my life of how horrible of a person I am. Bram shouldn't have been the one to pay for who I am and what I've done. It should have been me. But I guess losing him is my own personal version of hell. Sorry Bram. I'm so so sorry.


  1. Anonymous14 June, 2013

    Nothing could be further from the truth. You haven't blogged for a while and I was worried that this dark pain took you under... I am praying for continued healing for you and that God will lead you through. Much love, blessings and peace.

  2. candice smith15 June, 2013

    So so not true sam!! If you have people in your life telling you this then you need to cut ties with them because they are toxic!!! This wasn't your fault, not at all. You are a great mother and always had the best interest at heart for sweet Bram. How dare people continue to beat you down.

  3. Anonymous16 June, 2013

    Samantha, I know we do not talk like we use to, but you are a good person. You did not cause Brams death and I am sure if you could have prevented it you would have. I am so sorry you are going through this. (((hugs)))


Thanks for reading and loving Bram!