Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Talk about him, because I can't

Talk about Bram. I always want to, yet in the past few weeks I hesitate. I hold back. As long as you don't mention him I assume you're too uncomfortable, that you can't handle it. My everyday is TOO uncomfortable and I can't handle it. But until you say his name I assume I can't talk about him, because suddenly everything will be sad, and I'll be ruining everyone's day.

There are so many situations where I feel I can't talk about him. I can't bring him up in parenting groups when people start talking, or occasionally whining, about their current set of parenting challenges. When all I want to say is "I'll take your freaking problem!" because I want him here to be my current parenting challenge. But he's not so I resent you, and I'm jealous, and it hurts to see you taking for granted even the hard moments. Yet that's crazy, parents need and deserve to vent, but it hurts anyway.

So talk about Bram, because I can't. I don't know when it's ok to bring him up. So I hide in my room, and post about him on facebook, because you can't make me censor myself there, though it's come up.

6 comments:

  1. Anonymous31 May, 2013

    People probably do not bring him up because they aren't sure if you want them to. I am sorry your son has turned into a conversation you or anyone else are not sure can be brought up. Just know anyone who cares will not mind if you bring him up. (((hugs))) Jennie

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  2. Anonymous31 May, 2013

    I was thinking the same. I wouldn't know if its the right time or place to bring him up first. I know all days are hard, but what if you had a pretty good day and by someone bringing him up hit you just right..We all know you are carrying this heavy grief.. no one wants to hurt you anymore than you already are...And we know you want to talk about him. People who care and love you won't mind if you do. I know I wouldnt mind. We don't know what's ok . What's ok today may not work tomorrow. But might again next week, etc.. if we hurt you, just let us know. We won't judge or mind. We are all here to listen, and learn.

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  3. This post is specifically telling the world, TALK ABOUT BRAM. It hurts more to NOT hear about him, even when I'm miserable, it hurts more to not hear about him. It makes me feel like I've absolutely lost my mind, like I'm this mess of a human over someone who never existed.

    It hurts me, cuts right through, to have the subject of Bram avoided.

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous02 June, 2013

      I only know one other mommy who lost her baby. Talking about her was only on mommas terms. Before you shared this post, and then commented just above, lots of people probably wouldn't know what to say or how to bring Bram up. This type of pain is so different from any other. I'm glad to see you are so open about what you need and how you want it. We would not know with out this honesty.

      I'm glad you replied so people can what you need. I hope this conversations helps everyone. I hope people will not feel awkward about bringing up the most wonderful things about Bram. Just to smile, remember and laugh over all those things he did. :)

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    2. I totally respect that for some, they need to bring it up. I love hearing people talk about Bram. Even when it hurts, it takes the loneliness away.

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    3. Anonymous03 June, 2013

      Such a sweet little guy, I'd want to talk about him a lot too :)


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Thanks for reading and loving Bram!