Tuesday, May 7, 2013


My loss is worse than your loss because....

Well at least you got XX long with your child....

At least you got to prepare and say good bye....

At least their death was peaceful....


I just posted on facebook: Comparison is the thief of joy. But you know what, it's also the thief of grief.

My loss is huge. Bram died is such a tragic, unforseeable way. But that doesn't make it more than your loss, it doesn't make my loss less than yours.

Come together and honor our paths.

And at the same time I understand. I understand the longing to find parents like you, parents that know, proof that you can keep going, proof that you will not be swallowed whole. You want parents that get it, that get it better than parents who haven't lost the way you lost. I myself have felt excluded by some groups because Bram was too old. And other groups because Bram was too young.

Don't compare. Don't compare any parts of your life. It robs you. And the parents of loss have already been robbed of so much.


  1. Anonymous07 May, 2013

    No parent should be excluded based on age of loss. Expressions of grief are our ways of loving our children. Period. Praying for you tonight Samantha.

  2. Our sons are gone and it's not fair. It doesn't matter that my son never drew a breath and that your son had two years of life. All that matters is that a piece of us is missing, and there are holes in our lives that were meant to be filled with the presence of our sons. It's not fair. They are gone, and it hurts so bad, nothing is comparable, it's just pain and grief and loss. Our sons should be here.

  3. Loss is loss...any amount of time is too little...even if baby was unborn or lived to be 40, its still a loss that breaks the heart of a mother.

  4. I so totally agree. I stopped going to a group when my daughter was stillborn for just this reason. I was made to feel my loss was less than. I have now experienced the loss of my daughter and the loss of my thirty three year old son. My opinion hasn't changed. Loss is loss. It may be different from one situation to the next, but it is all bad. Our children should still be here.


Thanks for reading and loving Bram!