Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Horrors of facebook...

https://www.facebook.com/samanthavenn/posts/10201096076630630 I made this one public. People need to see, people need to understand.

I realize after a very long and restless night full of nightmares and flashback, how much more can I be hurt? I've already witnessed what no mother should witness. I'm fragile and untouchable. No matter what is said or done to me (short of my other children or husband being killed) can come close to the damage done by losing Bram.

People have this stupid idea that is was my fault. As much as I irrationally blame myself let me clear this up for you. Bram was visible, standing EXACTLY where we asked him, the person that hit him WAS NOT PAYING ATTENTION! The person did not stop until they heard my husband SCREAMING. K? Got that?

People think they can imagine this, but trust me you can't. Like I've said in the past you can't come close to comprehension. Being in the world of birth the topic of loss comes up often, in every occasion I've tried to put myself in those shoes, and when it was me that was actually in the shoes everything I had ever imagine was light years from reality. It wasn't even in the same universe of pain and sorrow. Yet those who think they could imagine it find it necessary to tell me how I should feel.

Way to fail on having empathy and compassion. You can't have me, you sure can reopen my wounds, as just about everything does, but you can't make me hurt anymore than I already do. Nothing can bring me close to the depths of pain I've met with losing my perfect boy.

7 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry people are so rude and try to act like they FEEL what you feel. I can honestly say, I have NO idea of the turmoil and flashbacks you live with every day, the only thing I can recognize about your pain is that is has to be horrific. I am sure you are suffering from post traumatic stress along with suffering from the grief of your beautiful son. I continue to keep you close in prayers and wish there was something more I could offer to comfort you.

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  2. I love you and I know without a shadow of a doubt that sometimes the fact that people think they can imagine what you are going through makes it worse. So I will say, I cannot imagine. I will not try to imagine. I will just love you and keep loving you and keep honoring Bram forever.

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  3. I am so incredibly sorry your beautiful boy is gone, and I wish I could erase that evil, horrible woman's words from your memory. It is a cruel, ugly world we live in. Your love for Bram is beautiful and reaches across eternity. He knew and knows how loved and cherished he is. I hope amongst hope that you will be together again after this hard life is over. Love and prayers from Louisiana.

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  4. I cannot believe how awful that women was!! I cannot imagine how you deal with the flashbacks. I pray for you every night, you are so strong and clearly an amazing mother! Your love for Bram is so beautiful. I sent a friend request on FB, if for nothing else to offer support. Sending hugs from DTFD in MI, I wish I could do more.

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  5. I went and did a little fb stalking to see who this women was. I know, a little teenagerish I suppose. But after reading the comme thread, I was is tears. Well, she is going on and on about animal cruelty and she's a vegan etc. Found it disgusting how she could say such things about your precious little boy but want to save the life of a cow. Maybe someone should talk about how yummy their red robin bacon burger was on her fb. I know, it doesn't compare at all, but that women pissed me off.

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  6. Reading her comments sickens me. You are grieving for you baby boy how can someone be so mean? It may have been an "accident", but if he was standing next to your vehicle and she just came in and hit him like she did she should have to face some type of punishment. You are entitled to want that. Yes, the lady may feel pain from what happened as any normal human would, but she should have been paying attention. I am sorry she said that to you, ruined your day, tried to make you question yourself, and etc. (((Hugs)))

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  7. I have also often wondered how people who haven't been there think they can understand or know how it feels. I have lost two children. My oldest son was just killed three months ago by a hit and run driver. He was killed the day after he turned thirty three during his birthday party. The doctors say he was brain dead on impact. We also donated his organs. Some of this is similar to your story. However, even I would never say I understood exactly how you feel. We are different people, and so were our sons. I can relate more than I like, but it still isn't the same. I did not see my son get hit. I can truly not imagine that. My heart aches for you. Our sons should still be here. I do know that our hearts will never be the same. I wish you well on this very sad journey.

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Thanks for reading and loving Bram!