https://www.facebook.com/samanthavenn/posts/10201096076630630 I made this one public. People need to see, people need to understand.
I realize after a very long and restless night full of nightmares and flashback, how much more can I be hurt? I've already witnessed what no mother should witness. I'm fragile and untouchable. No matter what is said or done to me (short of my other children or husband being killed) can come close to the damage done by losing Bram.
People have this stupid idea that is was my fault. As much as I irrationally blame myself let me clear this up for you. Bram was visible, standing EXACTLY where we asked him, the person that hit him WAS NOT PAYING ATTENTION! The person did not stop until they heard my husband SCREAMING. K? Got that?
People think they can imagine this, but trust me you can't. Like I've said in the past you can't come close to comprehension. Being in the world of birth the topic of loss comes up often, in every occasion I've tried to put myself in those shoes, and when it was me that was actually in the shoes everything I had ever imagine was light years from reality. It wasn't even in the same universe of pain and sorrow. Yet those who think they could imagine it find it necessary to tell me how I should feel.
Way to fail on having empathy and compassion. You can't have me, you sure can reopen my wounds, as just about everything does, but you can't make me hurt anymore than I already do. Nothing can bring me close to the depths of pain I've met with losing my perfect boy.