Saturday, March 23, 2013

Moving on...

Lets stop talking about life after loss as "moving on" which really means "leave behind." Im not leaving Bram behind, I have been deprived the opportunity to see him become an adult, I have been deprived hearing his laugh, feeling his touch, watching the world through his eyes. There is no moving on. Yes, I continue to live, but my life is forever changed by Bram and by the loss of him. Just as those who have survived extended periods of malnutrition or any amount of abuse continue to live, their bodies and mind are forever changed and effected. Their children are effected, and their children's children are effected. You don't move on from loss, you become something else.

I don't know what that is yet. Im still gestating in the stew of mourning and hopelessness. Maybe Ill be better than before. Right now though, Im angry, Im bitter, and so so sad...

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Thanks for reading and loving Bram!