So many connections through Facebook, a lot of acquaintances, some true friends, some family. But it's so fake. Not all of them, but enough...
It has been a source of triggers since that day. So many people who are so happy, and have such perfect lives, with their perfect diets, and perfect exercises, and perfect jobs, and perfect education, and perfect families, and perfect living children. People healing and growing so perfectly. God loving and blessing them so perfectly. Perfect. perfect. Perfect. What do I have?? The imperfect life. Hell on earth. financial worry. Alone most of the time. Kids who don't listen and fight me every step of the way. A house that is never clean. Anxiety that makes it impossible to leave my house, and sometimes my bed. Flashbacks that jerk me awake in the middle of the night. The inability to reach out and make plans. Stasis.
I am thankful for what I have, motherhood, a wonderful husband, a roof over our heads, a car that works. But losing Bram meant losing optimism, losing hope, losing strength, losing trust, losing sanity, losing what my family and life once was.
My life did end in 2012. This new world, this is post-apocalypse. The only zombie is me, and the only thing I want is my boy.
So I quit Facebook, so the triggers will stop, so people will stop peacocking their perfect lives and rubbing it in how low and pathetic I've become.