Sunday, February 24, 2013

Hurting for Bram: it doesn't mean I love my living children less

People will make comments and give me this weird impression they think I don't love my living children because I hurt so much for Bram.

FYI: It's really offensive. Some stuff in life in offensive, it's not about political correctness, it's about not being a jerk.

It's really offensive to be told to stay strong for them. I tell them that I would be broken if I lost them, I would hurt for them just as I hurt for Bram. I would scream for them just as I scream for Bram. I show them it's ok to be yourself even if yourself isn't very pretty all the time.


We are homeschoolers. And this has been quite an adventure. I am their educator, one of their guides on this earth and in this mess and despair I get to teach them a rich human experience that many people don't get into well into their adulthood. My weakness is my strength. It is in my weakness they have learned or enriched their knowledge and experience in and of empathy, compassion, kindness, loss, grief, the strengths of family bonds, the strengths of friendships, more about how the body works, more about why sometimes bodies stop working too soon, more about God and growing their connection to God. They have learned how fragile life is, and every day they show me how they are loving fearlessly.


I love these boys. Friends tell me that as deep and dark as grief is it exists because the love and light I so rich and brilliantly bright. It shines even in the darkness.

My boys are everything, my sunshine, all the beautiful things in this world contained in them, including Bram. <3


2 comments:

  1. I think the fact that you are still breathing and getting out of bed in the morning shows that you are being strong for your boys

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  2. " I am their educator, one of their guides on this earth and in this mess and despair I get to teach them a rich human experience that many people don't get into well into their adulthood. My weakness is my strength."

    That is so beautiful. Reading your blog tonight is so heartbreaking and also so inspiring. You are inspiring me to be a better earth guide for my son. I am so sorry for all your suffering.

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Thanks for reading and loving Bram!