2013 is the year he never got to see
The first full calendar year I have to live without my heart.
I remember so many of Bram's firsts. These are firsts I never fathomed would exist for me.
Yesterday we got his clothes from the police and his case was offically closed. I held his clothes, caked with his blood, with gravel, with pieces of him and his hair, the last clothes to touch his perfect living body. Tattered and destroyed just as his body was. In his pocket he had a toy and I held that. And his shoes. He had just got them the day before and ran around the house with nothing on but his new shoes and a snow hat. Had us laughing.
Then we watched the video that K took on that morning. To hear his voice, to hear him say mommy, to hear him laugh. <3
I want him back so much. I want my baby.