Saturday, December 29, 2012

I can't help but smile

When I think of Bram I can't help but smile.

He was so silly. The night before he died we cuddled in bed while he nursed his optimus prime "yeeeah op pime noosin'" and we talked about juice and he opened his mouth and pointed down and told me about juice going in our bellies. Then he'd push the button on his optimus prime and repeat "aubot row ow!"

He loved to climb up slides. Which we could spend hours at the park doing.

He loved his big brothers and would follow them and do whatever they did, even if it meant going into the open field and play in the mud.

He loved food! If I said "Bram you're a pig" he would look at me confused and say "peig? noooooo. I no peig" made my heart melt.

He would bring me transformers and make me play transformers with him and I loved it, wished I had played more.

I loved they way he spoke, as he was just really learning how (my boys have always been slow talkers, understood everything early but would grunt until they felt like using words, Bram was not an exception). I loved the way he said orange, his favorite color. It was "orunch."

He loved to snuggle, he loved to dance, he loved to scream with joy, he loved to wrestle, he loved his daddy, he loved his family.

He didn't have a favorite food because he loved all food and would out eat any of us. He loved tigers, and didn't like dogs. He loved to run and was too fast. He loved to ride on the bikes in the store.

Bram was such and amazing boy. I miss him so much everyday. As much as I'm haunted by his death I can still close my eyes and see his beautiful face, I can hear his adorable laugh that would light up my insides.


  1. Thanks for sharing Samantha <3
    I love reading what you write and it helps me keep things in perspective.

  2. I'm so selfish with my time with my kids...I often feel guilty about it. But this makes me feel so much better. Thank you for writing it.

  3. I loved reading this. Thank you for sharing Bram and all his specialness with us :)

  4. I am so sorry. My heart aches for you, for Bram, for your family. Thank you for sharing your story. Through your words I feel love for Bram and for you.

  5. I wasn't going to write anything...I wasn't going to intrude...and then you said Bram's favorite color was orange. And my heart was ripped again. My heart cries for you and for my friends' son who died when he was just 3 years and 7 months. His name is Ayden and his favorite color was orange. His parents, Darryl and Erin Phillips started Ayden's Foundation of Hope. Please look them up, they are on Facebook. My heart goes out to you and your family. I'll add you to my prayers. Please keep breathing.


Thanks for reading and loving Bram!