Monday, December 24, 2012

Christmas eve

I dreaded this day. I spend most days somewhere between distracted and numb. Feeling has been too much. Today though I knew I would have to feel.

Early in the day I had received a package from P.L., a fellow midwifery student, she sent a book that had touched her heart. I skimmed through it and it's going to be heavy to read, but having her love with me and her thoughts on me, I know it'll be something good for me.

A dear friend, S.D., had adopted us in their office for Christmas. Santa, Mrs. Claus, an Elf, and 0 S.D. arrived in the afternoon and we were blow away. I felt joy and excitement for the first time in weeks. The Santa was perfect. They brought so many gifts I don't think they kids are going to have any time for me tomorrow. Seeing the boys so happy what good for my heart.

While Santa was here another package was dropped with us. I knew what it was, and my heart sank. I didn't want to see because I knew I'd have to feel more. The book of Bram. In it were pictures of my friends, my midwifery sisters, with Bram's name in all kind of places. Oh the love. So beautiful. So perfect. And I cried so much for Bram.

There was so much good on this day, the kids got to see all their grand parents. Plus another friend entered us a contest at Mama's Felt Cafe and we were the winners. Such a gift and A adores it!

I dreaded this day and was blessed by this day. Today was filled with love, and even when feeling everything that I didn't want to feel it was worth it to feel his love, to see those he has so touched, to know that he is living on in so many ways, and that he is not forgotten. Thank you to the many people who are constantly reminding me of Bram and carrying him on in their hearts.

1 comment:

  1. I say little prayers for you throughout the day, every day. You don't know me, but your son's life has reminded me to love fearlessly. From one momma to another, I grieve with you and for the loss of your son. His love and life have touched many! I will continue to pray for you and for your family!

    ReplyDelete

Thanks for reading and loving Bram!